Day 21-Your love life

Blech I really didnt want to do this one but because of recent events parts of me think I would be ungreatful if I didnt share what my love life has been like. So as lots of you know I was dating this guy about a year ago who I was crazy about, I thought I was going to marry him, we planned on it for months. I moved for him and gave my whole heart to him. But in the end something felt wrong, and I didnt know what it was, I was confused and upset. This whole last year has been a real struggle for me. I still didn't feel that closure I thought I was supposed to feel if I knew that I wasnt supposed to be with him. So this last weekend when I was making plans to go up to Rexburg I was praying that the weekend would bring me clarity on the whole subject- whether it helped me realize that I was supposed to be with him  or help me understand why I wasn't supposed to be with him. I pretty much left it up to Heavenly Father- I said if I'm supposed to see him let me see him. And going to Rexburg it wouldnt be a big surprise if I saw him somewhere in town because you see so many people you know everyday just at the grocery store. So when I didnt see him my whole time in Rexburg I thought ok, thats that but still didnt feel what I had expected to feel after that weekend. On the drive to the Idaho Falls airport I was feeling so greatful for the spiritual renewal I had felt that weekend but still felt that confused feeling in the pit of my stomach. Then when I went and sat down to wait for my flight to Long Beach I heard a familiar voice behind me on the phone. It was the boy I had been in love with for so long. I really did want to laugh out loud, Heavenly Father has a huge sense of humor. We started talking and I realized that the whole last year I had just been holding on to memories of all the good times. And I saw even bigger in him the bad attributes but magnified and I didnt even  enjoy talking with him. As I boarded the plane and said good bye to him for the last time I felt a sense of peace like I had never felt before. Finally I realized that it was time for me to let go, and get my life back to the way I want it. I learned what I was supposed to learn from Drew. He taught me how to reallly reach for my dreams and that really anything is possible. Through dating him I lost a lot of my fear about doing the things I've dreamed of doing, he opened my eyes to knew possibilites, and thats what I was supposed to learn from him. Heavenly Father knew I needed that, and I know that meeting with my ex in the airport was no coincidence. It happened because I had been praying desperatly for something to help me out of the pit I was in. It was a great reminder that the Lord knows me and looks out for me.
Now a quick update on what the rest of my love life has been like. I have dated aaaa tooon. To say the least. I have had one of those ridiculous 8 month long relationships where we broke up every other day and fought ridiculously. I have sent an amazing missionary out who I still have so much respect for and care for- and recently started talking to again. I have had lots of 2 weekers and monthers. Mostly I'm a serious relationship girl. This past year though I have only had short little flings  which is totally different than what I'm used to because normally I'm in relationships. But in all honesty haven't really had a crush on anyone this whole year. I'm feeling different now and have dated enough to know whats important in relationships and what I want. And I'm so grateful for all the amazing men who have been a part of my life these last few years. I have dated some amazing guys who helped me come to know me in an extremely deep way, who gave me moments where I felt like I was flying, guys who made me laugh hysterically for hours. I think the thing that has been the biggest impact on me from all the guys I've dated is the ones who honored their priesthood and were actively striving to live the gospel. There were ones like Brent and Henry who really showed me what it means to be a disciple of Christ. I'm grateful for all the love I have had in my life and I'm excited for the next chapter. This entry was sooo long , sorry but I've had a lot of love in my life :)