Dream often

I dream a lot. I think its what keeps me sane. I imagine the far off places I will go, things I will do and the people I will meet. Even my actual dreams while I sleep are extremely vivid and I often wake up feeling as though I was doing all the stuff in my dreams instead of sleeping. I love dreams, I like how beautiful they make your life.

Day 26-Picture of your family

 Ashley( big sister), Adelaide (in her arms, niece ) , Jared (bro-in-law), Me!, Jordyn (neice), Dadio/Craig, Mom/Leslie, Taylor (little sister), Shane (older brother), Scott (nephew) in front of my parents house taken Christmas time 2008.

How to have a lovely day

 

Mission... MISSION... Mission on my mind....

So I've been 21 for a while now. I have best girlfriends going on missions and it is constantly being asked of me when I'll go on a mission, if I will, and have had the opportunity to hear tons of statements on the topic from " you would be an amazing missionary" to "girls suck as missionaries and I hated all the girls who served in my mission " (p.s. guys that does not make you seem appealing whatsoever when you say  things like the last statement) . Its tough deciding I haven't felt ready yet. I thought once I graduated school the decision would finally come easily for me. When my 21st birthday was fast approaching I had a slight panic. I thought I was supposed to know already and see what I was to be doing. But it still hasn't come, but I finally feel like I'm moving closer to that point. I have had some amazing roommates and girlfriends who served missions and changed my life and perspectives on so many things. Annie Cooprider who is a spiritual rock and pretty much the woman I want to be served a mission to the Anaheim California mission, and I have dreams of being like her. And several old roommates from Chelsee Walker (Las Vegas, NV mission) , Kristie Gatewood (SLC mission), Henna Raja (Taiwan) , Whitney Anderson (Taiwan), Jen Conder ( Canada), and I'm probably missing some + Vanessa Brown who will be serving in the SLC mission as well in the coming months. They are all amazing women and taught me that you need to be prepared for a mission and that its something you have to know you want to do, and you need to receive a spiritual confirmation that its what the Lord has planned for you. While I cannot fathom the blessings and how incredibly amazing it would be to serve the Lord like that and teach the gospel as a missionary , I know whether it be now in my life or just with my husband later in life it will be a glorious experience either way.

Day 25-A photo of something that means a lot to you

 

My nieces and nephew . Adelaide Elizabeth, Jordyn Marie, and Scott Deaclan Jones. I love them like crazy.

Day 24-Something (s) you've learned

I've learned especially these last few weeks to never sacrifice what I want for eternity for some fleeting moment in time. I've learned that kindness is paramount and that in no matter what job you have wheather its working with children or adults you will accomplish more when you use kindness. I've come to realize at an even higher level then I did before I went to school that your girlfriends can be a huge lifeline. And that as girls we all need to support eachother  and not put eachother down. I've seen what can happen when girls group together amazing things can be accomplished. I've learned that life isnt going to slow down for me to make up my mind so I need to get better at doing that. I've learned that when my life is centered around the gospel everything else goes smoother.
I've learned how great my parents really are. And that there are very few men comparable to my amazing dad. I've learned that I suck at lots of things in life and that I need to work on not gossiping, and not being comfortable in my new surroundings. I've learned that just because I have my best girlfriends doesnt mean I should shun and not want to talk to any other girls.
This past week I've been able to see how valuable life was as I held my little sister at her make believe funeral for the mock drunk driving program at her school, I cried and she was right there but all my mind could think of was how I've been wasting the precious time I have with my family.
I've learned that joy comes from serving and that I have more to offer to this world than I can even comprehend right now.

Day 23-Favorite vacation

Didn't I already do one like this? I'm going to say that my favorite vacation will be this upcoming one. I'm going to Avila Beach with my fam and during that time I'm doing an interview of my Grandpa Salls so that I can compile a book about his life. Then a few days after that me and just my parents and Taylor are going to Mission Bay which we've done a lot- but I just love it and really need some relaxin time. Plus my body is craving taking the kayaks around the bay- and hopefully (cross fingers) going sailing like the old days. My dad used to always take his sail boat down to the bay and I have lots of memories of sailing around mission bay (and falling off ... dad should've tied us on) and collecting sand crabs and adding more freckles to my nose

I love to dance

I love to dance. I wish I hadn't stopped doing Ballroom and swing my sophomore year of college. I looove to dance every where. It makes my soul happy and I feel the most free I have ever felt. I remember when I was younger me and my best friend Amber would go into the Primary room in the church building and she would pound some keys on the piano and I would dance around the room. I miss my days at the preforming arts school and having it be a big part of my life. My resolution this next year is to do it almost as much as I used to.

Happiness through difficult times

 

I'm finally getting back to my old self. I needed this year to shake me up a little and show me my weaknesses. I allowed myself to become someone I didnt want to be. But now these last two weeks I've felt an awakeneing you could call it in myself. I'm finally inspired again and now excited about my future like never before (I know its hard to believe I could be even more excited then I already was! But alas tis true) I'm finally feeling that motivated feeling again. And am so greatful for all the people who put up with my slacker self during this last year. But I'm back! Muah and using my ADHD (thanks dad!) for good and getting back to my hyper productive self. I know I've used this same quote in a previous post (I think?? One of my very first ones) but it describes what this last year was for me and helps me understand a lot of my feelings.

"People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.

A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master..."
— Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love) 

 

This year has been hard but I was introduced to my spiritual master (God, Christ) in ways that I hadnt been before. Its those times when your on your knees because you feel there is nothing else you can do and your sorrow is too much to bear that you come to know your Savior in ways you never thought possible. God gives us trials so that we might better recognize blessings he gives us times of weakness to help us realize we must change and that he is the only way true change comes. 

"There is room for improvement in every life. Regardless of our occupations, regardless of our circumstances, we can improve ourselves and while so doing have an effect on the lives of those about us." Gordon B. Hinckley - Oct. Conf. 2002

 

 

Day 22-Favorite city

Favorite City Continent  (Besides North America) So I couldn't decide on my favorite city and have only been inside the U.S. and Mexico but I want to mention somewhere I feel a deep connection to for reasons I dont really know and that I'm sure I will in time understand. I am obsessed with Africa. All the people close to me know this. I have never been there but feel extremely connected to it even though I have no ancestors that I know of from there. I have a painting of Christ holding this little African aids baby (the baby was painted from a real life African aids child) I cried the first time I saw it- from lots of emotions, I loved seeing a representation of Christ in such a way showing his love for all of his children, I was crying because of the sorrow I feel for children born with such a horrible disease, I cried because that kid was so darn cute I wanted him, and I cried because it was just a beautiful painting in general.

 

This painting is called "Worth of a Soul" by Liz Lemon Swindle...

I cannot explain how I feel, there is just something inside me that says that Africa and all its culture will be a huge part of my life someday. My friend Vanessa who I've talked to frequently about this suggested maybe it was because I would one day be called on an LDS church mission to Africa... which I would love, but I really don't know. I do know that I will go there one day, and I know in my heart that when I do it will be for more of a reason than going on vacation or just going to see the sights. I know this is odd, but usually when I have the feeling that something will happen, and especially when I feel it as strongly as this I know it will happen I just don't know how. When I think about Africa I just feel a huge love for the people, the culture, the scenery. Anyway that's my favorite continent (other than N. America because the good ol U.S.A. is on it which I love with all my heart).

Day 21-Your love life

Blech I really didnt want to do this one but because of recent events parts of me think I would be ungreatful if I didnt share what my love life has been like. So as lots of you know I was dating this guy about a year ago who I was crazy about, I thought I was going to marry him, we planned on it for months. I moved for him and gave my whole heart to him. But in the end something felt wrong, and I didnt know what it was, I was confused and upset. This whole last year has been a real struggle for me. I still didn't feel that closure I thought I was supposed to feel if I knew that I wasnt supposed to be with him. So this last weekend when I was making plans to go up to Rexburg I was praying that the weekend would bring me clarity on the whole subject- whether it helped me realize that I was supposed to be with him  or help me understand why I wasn't supposed to be with him. I pretty much left it up to Heavenly Father- I said if I'm supposed to see him let me see him. And going to Rexburg it wouldnt be a big surprise if I saw him somewhere in town because you see so many people you know everyday just at the grocery store. So when I didnt see him my whole time in Rexburg I thought ok, thats that but still didnt feel what I had expected to feel after that weekend. On the drive to the Idaho Falls airport I was feeling so greatful for the spiritual renewal I had felt that weekend but still felt that confused feeling in the pit of my stomach. Then when I went and sat down to wait for my flight to Long Beach I heard a familiar voice behind me on the phone. It was the boy I had been in love with for so long. I really did want to laugh out loud, Heavenly Father has a huge sense of humor. We started talking and I realized that the whole last year I had just been holding on to memories of all the good times. And I saw even bigger in him the bad attributes but magnified and I didnt even  enjoy talking with him. As I boarded the plane and said good bye to him for the last time I felt a sense of peace like I had never felt before. Finally I realized that it was time for me to let go, and get my life back to the way I want it. I learned what I was supposed to learn from Drew. He taught me how to reallly reach for my dreams and that really anything is possible. Through dating him I lost a lot of my fear about doing the things I've dreamed of doing, he opened my eyes to knew possibilites, and thats what I was supposed to learn from him. Heavenly Father knew I needed that, and I know that meeting with my ex in the airport was no coincidence. It happened because I had been praying desperatly for something to help me out of the pit I was in. It was a great reminder that the Lord knows me and looks out for me.
Now a quick update on what the rest of my love life has been like. I have dated aaaa tooon. To say the least. I have had one of those ridiculous 8 month long relationships where we broke up every other day and fought ridiculously. I have sent an amazing missionary out who I still have so much respect for and care for- and recently started talking to again. I have had lots of 2 weekers and monthers. Mostly I'm a serious relationship girl. This past year though I have only had short little flings  which is totally different than what I'm used to because normally I'm in relationships. But in all honesty haven't really had a crush on anyone this whole year. I'm feeling different now and have dated enough to know whats important in relationships and what I want. And I'm so grateful for all the amazing men who have been a part of my life these last few years. I have dated some amazing guys who helped me come to know me in an extremely deep way, who gave me moments where I felt like I was flying, guys who made me laugh hysterically for hours. I think the thing that has been the biggest impact on me from all the guys I've dated is the ones who honored their priesthood and were actively striving to live the gospel. There were ones like Brent and Henry who really showed me what it means to be a disciple of Christ. I'm grateful for all the love I have had in my life and I'm excited for the next chapter. This entry was sooo long , sorry but I've had a lot of love in my life :)

Day 20-Nicknames

This entry is going to be kinda lame sorry... For some reason people dont have a ton of nicknames for me. Lots of people just call me Court- which is cool some people have thier individual nicknames for me which I'll share...
Amber still calls me Courtalane sometimes. My dad used to call me it but has stopped since then.
Micah Coiner calls me short bus- because sometimes I act like I belong on a short bus lol.
And all my girl friends and Travis and them from up in Idaho call me hottie or other such names
And then when I'm dating someone my name usuallly gets replaced with babe or hunny- because that is easier to remember then Court or Courtney.

Day 19-Something you miss

I miss having my bestest friends nearby.  I.E
I grew up with Amber Iloilo  and lived like 2 minutes away from her .Her, her hubby and baby had to make the move to Utah so she's no longer within a close radius.

I also miss having Vanessa Brown as my roomate- With her living with me I had my constant companion who I knew was there for me. We talked practically every hour of our waking hours no joke.

Day 18-Something you regret

Tonight I went to one of my old friends weddings. Me and Josh Parish were pretty much attached at the hip all throughout high school. I got to see a ton of old friends from back then and even see one of them (Brandon) who is now married and has a kid. All the guys are back from missions and living life. All this put me in a weird mood. I miss those old days and seeing all of them left me wishing I had put more effort into staying close with them all. When I went away to school I pretty much left behind my old life and forgot a lot about where I came from and what my roots are. Because I left for college 2 weeks after High school graduation it was easy to get caught up in my new amazing life and neglect the relationships back home. Its definetly hard staying in touch with people but I realize now how important it is. When you get older you realize how much you need the people you grew up with- because they are the only ones who will remember where you've been which helps ground you . So here are a  few pictures of some of my old friends from back in high school.

That's me and my friend Josh at my High school graduation- I suppose we were technically dating at the time.
This is at a farewell party for me like the day before I left for college

Randomness...

Q: Kissed someone on your friend list? Umm lets say a few...
Q: Been arrested? No way I would cry I know I would
Q: Do you like someone? No not right now
Q: Held a snake? yep
Q: Been suspended from school? no way I followed the rules- mostly anyway
Q: Sang karaoke? Of course
Q: Done something you told yourself you wouldn't do?  Everyday of my life
Q: Laughed until you started crying? All the time
Q: Caught a snowflake on your tongue? Of course! I lived in Rexburg, Idaho for 3 years

Q: Kissed in the rain? Yep- same answer as above 
Q: Sang in the shower? All the time
Q: Sat on a roof top? Yes- During freshmen academy me and my friends were mentioned in a newspaper article about stupid freshmen :) I dont know why its considered stupid to sit on the roof of your apartment complex if you dont fall off its all good

Q: Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? Ya I've had a pool my whole life so it was kinda inevitable
Q: Broken a bone? No my family drinks too much milk to break bones. It really is a miracle because we do lots of stupid things
Q: Shaved your head? nope
Q: Played a prank on someone? ALl the time
Q: Shot a gun? A few not until I went to Idaho
Q: Donated Blood? Ya

LAST PERSON.
1. You hung out with? Just got back from my friends wedding so tons of old friends
2. You texted? Emily Wooten asking her what time choir practice is tomorrow
3. You were in a car with? Dad and mom
4. Went to the movies with? Vanessa, Jon, Josh and Rachel- Battle LA
5. Person you went to shop with? Mom
6. You talked on the phone? Jared my bro in law
7. Made you laugh? Dad he makes me laugh a lot
8. You hugged? Not sure I hugged a ton of people at the wedding
9. You miss? A lot of people- I miss people easily though

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY...
1. Sun or moon? I love both! The sun makes me happy and the moon inspires me

2. Winter or Fall? Fall
3. Left or Right? Right

4. Sunny or rainy? I cant decide such things-both make me ridiculousl happy
5. Where do you live? Southern California

6. coke or pepsi? Coke all the way
7. Are there 1 or 2 people who you can always trust and rely on? Yes

8. Do you want to get married? Of course I'm a 21 year old  LDS Byu-idaho grad haha
9. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? Twirl and slurp it all up on my face

10. What time is it? 9:54 pm
11. Are you afraid of commitment? Depends on the committment
12. What is your greatest hope/wish? Have a family
14. Current mood? Reminiscent

IN THE LAST 48 HOURS HAVE YOU...
1. Kissed someone? Nope
2. Sang? I break out in song all the time
3. Listened to music? Yep
4. Danced Crazy? I went to a wedding- but ussually dance crazy anyway
5. Cried? Almost
6. Liked someone you can't have? No

25 FIRSTS .....
1.Who was your first date? Ummm some Samoan guy... I dont remember his name
2. Who was your first roommate? Well my sisters growing up then at college-Wendy Moyle was my room roomate- and Vanessa Brown was still my besties and Jessica Davenport and some girl from Georgia.
4. What was your first job? Village Fun park in Lake Arrowhead

5. What was your first car? Red Jeep Wrangler
6. When did you go to your first funeral and viewing? I'm Mormon we know lots of old people I have no idea
8. Who was your first grade teacher? Mrs. Bray

9. Where did you go on your first ride on an airplaine? Hawaii I think or Utah
13. Where was your first sleepover? Most likely at Amber Iloilos house we always slept over at each others houses
14. Who is the first person you call when you have a bad day? Vanessa
15. Who's wedding were you in the first time you were a Bridesmaid or groomsman? My older sisters wedding back when I was 14
16. What's the first thing you did when you got up this morning?Turned on the shower real fast because I was going to be late for work

17. What was the first concert you went to? Leann Rhimes
18. What was the last concert you went to?Jack Johnson I think
19. First tattoo or piercing? My ears when I was 5, I dont have any other piercings or tatoos


Five names you go by:
Courtney
Court
Courtalane
Bradshaw

Two things you did last night:
Went driving around in the town I grew up in
Went to a bonfire at Thomas Lands house

What you ate today:
Granola Bar
Hot dog sandwich
wedding food-cheese, crackers, strawberries, little wenies, meetballs and the yummiest wedding cake ever

Three things you are going to do tomorrow:
Teach a lesson in Relief Society
Choir practice
Birthday party for my little sisters 18th bday!!

He is we- pretty much sing my life story

 I love them and both of these songs pretty much flash me through my life, times that have past and things I'm feeling now. Read on.seriously.wonderful

 Happily Ever After
Let me riddle you a ditty, it's just an itty bitty, little thing on my mind.
About a boy and a girl, trying to take on the world one kiss at a time.
Now the funny thing about, ain't a story without it, but the story is mine.
And I wish you could say, that it ended just fine.

We all want to know, how it ends.

Oh, happily ever after, wouldn't you know, wouldn't you know.
Oh, skip to the ending, who'd like to know, I'd like to know.
Author of the moment, can you tell me, do I end up, do I end up happy?
Inhale, breathe steady, exhale, like you're ready, if you're ready or not.
Just a boy and a girl trying to take on the world, and we want to get caught.
In the middle of a very happy ending, let's see what we've got, let's give it a shot.
Let's give it a shot.

We all want to know, how it ends.

Oh, happily ever after, wouldn't you know, wouldn't you know.
Oh, skip to the ending, who'd like to know, I'd like to know.
Author of the moment, can you tell me, do I end up, do I end up happy?

We all have a story to tell.
Whether we whisper or yell.
We all have a story, of adolescence and all it's glory.
We all have a story to tell.

Oh, happily ever after, wouldn't you know, wouldn't you know.
Oh, skip to the ending, who'd like to know, I'd like to know.
Author of the moment, can you tell me, do I end up, do I end up happy?

We all have a story to tell.
We all have a story to tell.
We all have a story to tell.
We all have a story to tell.

 I wouldn't mind
Merrily we fall out of line
Out of line
I'd fall anywhere with you
I'm by your side
Swinging in the rain
Humming melodies
We're not going anywhere until we freeze.
I'm not afraid anymore
I'm not afraid.
Forever is a long time.
But I wouldn't mind spending it by your side.
Carefully we'll place for our destiny
You came and you took this heart
And set it free.
Every word you write and sing is so warm to me.
So warm to me.
I'm torn, I'm torn
To be right where you are.
I'm not afraid anymore.
I'm not afraid.
Forever is a long time.
But I wouldn't mind spending it by your side.
Tell me everyday
I get to wake up to that smile.
I wouldn't mind it at all.
I wouldn't mind it at all.
You so know me.
Pinch me gently.
I can hardly breath.
Forever is a long, long time.
But I wouldn't mind spending it by your side.
Tell me
Everyday I get to wake up to that smile.
I wouldn't mind it at all.
I wouldn't mind it at all.

Day 17-Something you're looking forward to

GRADUATE SCHOOL!!! So that's up there with owning my own cute little place- and getting married, but we'll just go with writing about graduate school since its in the foreseeable future. So I'm sooo excited for the options that graduate school opens up for me. With my masters in social work I'll be more likely to get a job with the international red cross (my dreammm!!!) and I'll just have a lot more freedom with what I can do. Instead of making measly money as a bachelors level social worker I'll be able to make less measly (still measly compared to other degrees) masters level social worker money! Plus because the place I want to end up is obviously California (my love) a masters is pretty much essential to being a "real" social worker. Besides the obvious results of graduate school I'm excited for graduate school just because its school! And I love school and have missed being in school terribly, because I feel quite productive when I'm in school. So I was considering/still kinda am waiting to do graduate school for a while because of the funding issue. I know I will go eventually- and I've been accepted for a program beginning this summer. I'm just in the predicament trying to figure out my life and if it makes the most sense to do it right now. Which I want it to because it will probably be more difficult later on (ignoring the funding issue) and I'm really itching to get into legit social work and being able to do whatever I want within the social work. Depending on if I get into this other school here in California,(Azusa Pacific University-a Christian University, in the San Gabriel Valley of CA, beautiful hot, wonderful, expensive)

I might end up  going to graduate school at Radford University  in Virginia that I was just accepted to- Which I chose randomly mostly because it has the advanced standing program is cheap and I would really just love to live on that side of the country for a while plus their colors/theme is green plaid like Irish plaid=I love plaid.Completly different vibe then azusa the town is small like Rexburg and cold like Rexburg but going to the Christian university will be more like BYUI then Radford.

Which makes me look forward to living on the east coast and having the crazy trip out there. Plus the advanced standing program which I was accepted to is only 9 months long- which is an amazing short amount of time, and I love having a clear idea when something will be finished and knowing when one adventure will be over and the other begins. And something I'm looking forward to that's coming up ultra soon... I'm leaving for Rexburg the day after tomorrow so I can see all my besties. And then a weekend in mission bay in april getting my kayaking on along with some intense skin baking... mmmmm my life is wonderful

Senior year

This out about your SENIOR year of high school! The longer ago it was, the more fun the answers will be!!



IN YOUR SENIOR YEAR DID YOU...
1. Did you date someone from your school?
Technically he graduated the year before m e
2. Did you marry someone from your high school?
No- happily single :)
3. Did you car pool to school?
Nope drove myself
4. What kind of car did you have?
Red Jeep wrangler- then p.t. cruiser (when I was grounded my parents would make me drive the astro van as punishment)
5. What kind of car do you have now?
Same p.t. cruiser
6. Its Saturday night...where are you now?
Hanging out with friends, doing silly stuff
7. It is Saturday night...where were you then?
Hanging out with friends doing even more silly stuff then now
8. What kind of job did you have in high school?
Only worked one summer sporadically at an amusement park in Lake arrowhead
9. What kind of job do you do now?
I do ABA therapy with autistic kiddos
10. Were you a party animal?
Completly sober, I partied in the mormon way, never really went to the typical high school parties
11. Were you considered a flirt?
yep and still am :)
12. Were you in band, orchestra, or choir?
Choir woot woot!
13. Were you a nerd?
A yearbook nerd I guess I was in it for three years then editor my senior year, I liked nerdy things like I do now
14. Did you get suspended or expelled?
heck no
15. Can you sing the fight song?
No, but I went to every football game! I dont even know if we had one?? We were a new school
16. Who was/were your favorite teacher(s)?
Mr. Ayala was awesome he was my ap us history teacher, and Mr. hoover who taugh gov was awesome too
17. Where did you sit during lunch?
Yearbook room
18. What was your school's full name?
I went to Dwight D. Eisenhower my freshmen year then Wilmer Amina Carter High school the rest of the years
19. When did you graduate?
2007
20. What was your school mascot?
freshmen year an eagle- the other years a lion
21. If you could go back and do it again, would you?
NOOO wayyy! It was soooooo much more fun to be in college, I would do college again because I loved it so much
22. Did you have fun at Prom?
Ya it was fun went with my best friend/ boyfriend at the time
23. Do you still talk to the person you went to Prom with?
No :( We were as tight as tight could be from 8th grade till he went on his mission. And now havnt really talked since he got engaged , hes getting married in a week
24. Are you planning on going to your next reunion?
I doubt we'll even have a reunion, I mean our school is huge it would be a lot to organize. And if we did I wouldnt go
25. Do you still talk to people from school?
yep some of them-does facebook count??
26. School Colors?
blue and gold
27. What celebrities came from your high school?
n/a

inspiration...

Day 16-A picture of you from last year and how you've changed since then

 

So the whole purpose of me starting this blog was because I suck at sharing personal details of my life with people. Because I'm the type of person who would much rather spend time with only my best friends rather then lots of people I kind of know- all the other people usually know nothing about me. Especially this last year, because in this last year alone I have moved from  2 different apartment complexes in Rexburg, to Los Altos CA, Corona CA, then Las Vegas Nevada, and now finally back in Corona, moving that much has not been productive in getting to know people very well. So anyway I kept putting off doing day 16 because I was conflicted if I should go with the picture that shows really the main change in my life or just go the easy route and pick a different one and leave out all the deep personal stuff. So I decided to push myself and go with the hard route. So this is a picture at a friends birthday party, that's me and my ex boyfriend in the back.  I chose this picture because I'm pretty sure its almost been exactly a year since this was taken. So since approximatly a year ago I have been

essentially engaged

put my school on hold

moved for a guy

left the guy

put school back on extremely abruptly

lived with tons of different people

Did an internship at a mental health and substance abuse treatment center

Did an internship at LDS Family Services

GRADUATED WITH MY BACHELORS woot!

worked at a theater shop in Las vegas and hung out with drag queens all day

Went to Mexico

Gone on I have no idea how many dates, had random guys sorta come in my life??or try to at least

Got a tentative diagnosis for my stomach problems

Stopped tanning

Died my hair within an inch of its life

Applied to grad school

Began working with autistic kids

Gone the longest I have gone since high school by far  without a boyfriend

Had amazing times

---So thats a summary of what has happened to me this last year. Now for how I have changed

I am pastier :) seriously people used to ask me if I was mixed

I have come to learn who I want to be when I meet that person I'm supposed to spend forever with.

I toned back how bold I was- any of you who have known me the last few years know this is a good thing

I've been working really hard on being happy even when stuff sucks-had lots of opportunities 

Realized that I am good at what I do and need to stop doubting my abilities

Learned countless life lessons, I have began reaching out more to older people for advice

I've come to love my family more. Came to realize my parents just want to help me

Had relationships (my actual one and the little petite ones) with amazing guys who have changed my life, helped me see my dreams, and who showed me what honorable priesthood holders are like. Saw more than I ever had before how strong love can be.

I learned how to let my heart be free and not confine it

I still coming to terms with the fact that just because my life isnt how it used or how I imagined to be doesn't mean theres something wrong with me or the way I did things

Saw more than ever that I need to trust in the Lord because even though I havnt seen fully the reason for a lot of things, especially why I had to break off that relationship, I know that there is a purpose

Became better at being alone

Let myself do more things that I love, and do something just because I feel like it

Overall came to know my Savior on a level I have never been at before

Day 15-Something you can't leave the house with out

Contacts!!!!
or my
Glasses

I"ve had glasses since the first grade and got contacts in the 7th grade. I literally cant leave the house without them, I definitely couldn't drive  and would be dangerous to myself if I walked out on the streets without one or the other.

Day 14-A picture you love

Day 13-Goals

 So usually peoples goals revolve around becoming something they havnt been before. This year in my life I want to focus on getting back some of those attributes I used to have. Although I know I definetly need to not be as adventourous (sometimes reckless) I loved who I was for most of my college years. I constantly had fun laughed a lot and got a ton done. I was out exploring caves or other random places practically everyday. So this year I want to get back to that girl I once was (of course with lots of added common sense!
(Not in a particular order and not in the time frame I plan to complete, a lot of these are more things I want to do this year)
-Get that spark back I once had.
-Be the best darn social worker there ever was.
-Get married in the temple( this doesn't mean this year!)
-Get my masters degree.
-Let myself love again.
-Be that crazy free girl in the Tye dye shirts doing cartwheels through a field.
-Hike like I used to.
-DANCE everywhere this year
-Make it work
-Raise my children the best way I can. Apply all that I've learned. Be that mom I've dreamed of being.
-Adopt
-Get that feeling
-Travel the world
-Read more
-Stop dyeing my hair
-Write in my journal more
-Start a summer camp for kids with developmental delays
-No skin cancer!
-Learn to play an instrument for real this time
-Own the home of my dreams
-Serve a mission with my future husband
-Take art classes
-Have a room my kids can just paint whatever they want in
-Have a library room, with books filling every wall
-Convert an old church building into a beautiful unique home
-Have my kids go on missions/ get married in the temple.
- Act on my Wanderlust
-Sing
-Take my children to places that open their minds and expand their perception of their world.
-Save enough for my kids schooling
-Write a book (books??? probably)
-Do a triathalon
-Do the Death Valley bike ride
-Sew a king size quilt
-Stop straightening my hair
-Help save souls
-Go to all the major art museums in the world.
-Not suck at Sodoku
-Have a huge garden that's all my own
-Become a better cook
-Start a non-profit
-Get at the point in a relationship with someone where I realize the purpose of all the other relationships.

I could go on for a long time. Mainly live the best most fulfilling life possible.

Day 12-What you believe

I believe in Christ and his atoning power. I believe that lives can be changed and made beautiful through believing in Christ. I believe that families can be forever and that eternal marriage and families provide meaning to families and make those relationships stronger than can possibly be imagined. I know that Christ can heal even the deepest of wounds and lift you up again. I believe in the plan of happiness and that I have purpose for being on this planet at this time, it was no accident. I'm a daughter of God and look like it.

I believe that marriage is so important and that you need to know the person you marry. I dont believe in love at first sight. I dont think just because you love someone you should marry them, no matter how wonderful they are. I have had many special relationships and know that God made me leave those relationships for a reason even though I dont see it yet.

I believe that the best way to be happy is to fake it till you make it. Happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that being happy appearing in public even when I'm dying on the inside will get me to the happy point I want to be.

I believe this is one of the hardest most difficult  and sorrowful  years  of my life.

I believe that dance can heal your soul. I believe that being in nature grounds you more than almost anything else. It makes you feel alive and well. God created our beautiful surroundings that we might appreciate them.

I believe that treating anything God created with disrespect is wrong.

I believe harming a child is one of the greatest sins.

I believe that reading and listening to beautful music is good for you and will help you feel connected to something.

I believe that getting lost will help you find yourself.

I believe that laughter is the best medicine.

I believe that children are a gift and that we should give them the families they deserve. I believe that special needs children are closer to God than most anyone on earth.

I believe that Jesus Christ is the Savior of mankind.